5th grade furry

I was ambushed by the principal at school today. I went to the school to pick up the effing pies I bought for a fundraiser. I was in the office dropping off gifts to the teachers when the principal saw me and said I WAS JUST GOING TO CALL YOU. 

So…my daughter has to do a presentation in her computer class about a hobby. She picked being a FURRY as her hobby. She told the other girls that was her topic and a girl told her mom who texted another mom and then that other mom called the principal.

I thought it was only a sex fetish that people think is attached to Furries (in my day they were called PLUSHIES) - which is not true in my daughter’s case because she doesn’t know what a fetish is. Once she told me she was bi-sexual because she likes cats AND dogs as her favorite pets. She is 10 and likes to wear a costume. She is not making cash at night online in her catsuit on her ONLY FANs page.

I said, she doesn’t understand that there is any sort of sexual connotation with this. I was told this is a catholic school so she can’t do a presentation on this. It brings up gender fluidity. (What?) So I googled it - litter boxes in schools! These so called furries are not just getting freaky in their fur suits they are getting fecal! As it turns out Furries are the ruination of society! Hmmm. 

Are they? How is she hurting anyone in her cat head? How is it different than adults going to Disney and waiting in line to get their picture taken with someone in a furry suit? Worshipping a Furry dressed like a mouse as if they’re a deity. 

I reacted as any normal woman approaching menopause reacts - I cried. I was so pissed that these women were gossiping about my daughter. Seeing themselves as warriors for Christ making sure that the 10 year old fiend from LA didn’t further pollute their innocents.  

I called my husband and thankfully he was rational. He called the principal and said - my daughter does not associate being a FURRY with “being a deviant”. He also questioned how the other child knew this was “wrong” and why that parent went right to that? He said I can’t control how that parent thinks and what they tell their child. 

We had to tell my daughter to change her topic. She cried thinking we did not like her. She would not change her topic to “cosplay” because “that is not what a Furry is”. That is why she was trying to do this…to explain the people behind the fur. So I find myself in the middle of Warriors for Christ and the tween Spokeswoman for all Furry kind.

Which brings me back to WHAT THE FUCK?I have to explain to my daughter about sexual identity and how people base their opinions on targeted stories that algorithms serve up to their feed. After tears and a huge freak out she changed her topic to Harry Potter. Ya know, about witchcraft? Cue montage of frantic Warriors for Christ texting each other…Furry turned heretic! Does that make her a Hurry or a Feretic?

things are not getting better

There were layoffs at my place of employment yesterday. The day began with a note from the top man telling us that we were going to have to say good bye to some colleagues. If you were one of the people being kicked to the curb you would know by EOD. If that isn’t a way to insure NOTHING GETS DONE ALL DAY I do not know what is. WTF. Was I one of them, no but the entire day was like a natural disaster check in. 

My mother is sleeping all the time. She has this gnarly sore on her ass that won’t heal. It hurts to sit. She is passing out on the toilet. She has no strength left. Sigh. Every time I go downstairs she is asleep. Her shoulder also hurts and the only way to fix it is surgery. Clearly she is not interested. The Parkinson’s has really taken a hold of her this past year. She shakes like crazy and leans over to the side. Degenerative diseases are so fucking sinister. They chip away at someone for years and chips away at everyone around them. 

I just returned from a work trip to LA. The most relaxation I have had was at work on a stressful shoot. The shoot actually turned out to be great. Being away from LA for over a year and going back is so odd. I have no clue how I could live there as long as I did. I couldn’t find a fucking juice at my hotel that didn’t have turmeric in it. To be fair, I do miss the sushi.

I digress because thinking about my life right now is emotionally difficult. How can my mother’s body keep on going with all it has been through. My mother-in-law told me when I was pregnant and worried that “I CAME FROM HEARTY STOCK” like I am a prize cow. I guess she was right as it turns out,we are very hearty!

pubic hair on my cheek

Pubic Hair on my cheek!?

You are already getting the wrong idea - there is nothing remotely sexy about this. 

I went to put make-up on and on my lower cheek was an insanely long curly black hair. It just appeared there. It was not there moments before when I washed my hands in the sink.The most terrifying thing was the length, it has 3 full curl swirls. The aging process is complete shit!

Speaking of aging people my mother is saying she has a spaceship in her eye. Uhm…we are thinking it is ANOTHER UTI , she just had one about a week ago. She was also petting  parakeets, telling us how beautiful they are. Then she decided her aide was trying to kill her,there was a man behind her computer with a knife. Later that night she knocked over a lamp and told my father she fucking hated him. That escalated  quickly. Can we hop a ride on that spaceship in your eye and get out of here crazy lady? 

911 was called. I heard something in the kitchen, I thought that my daughter had started cooking in the middle of the night again. God Darn that kid! Oh wait no, that is a stretcher with my mother.  I see my dad. Why didn’t you call me? He did, I guess you didn’t hear me. (Sigh). 

She has been looking pretty ragged lately. She does this thing where she passes out and is unresponsive for at least 2 or 3 minutes. Every time something happens I just think - is today the day? Is this finally going to happen? When you have been mourning and preparing for someone’s death for over 25 years, it will still be a shock at the moment it happens.

The diagnosis, she has another UTI! They give her a different drug and send her on her way. And we are back to where we left off somewhere between hopeless and pathetic with zero spaceships.

urine on my foot

I believe that my mother’s behavior in old age is what she was like as a child. She is deeply concerned that she is going to miss something. She is wheelchair bound and in the past 3 years transferring to another seat from her wheelchair is increasingly challenging. So, I believe when she is around other people or out on the town in The ROC she doesn’t want the good times to end. Therefore she holds her urine to the last moment. Consequently she gets nasty with us to “hurry up” because she “has to pee”. And lastly when she has to transfer she has to use her muscles and because she is pushing…yes! you guessed it…she pees on the floor and inevitably my foot. And when you clean that up you may use your husband’s new Shark Water Cleaner floor thing and forget that you were going to ask him how to clean the machine. Then as it turns out the cleaning thing smells like piss and said husband angry cleans his new machine and he himself becomes pissy!